Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
