Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Boobs are out for the taking
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
