i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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