you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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