I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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