We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
