She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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