I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
