guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
