would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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