You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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