and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
