guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize