thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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