Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize