I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
