Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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