Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
