so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
