He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
