Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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