Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
