I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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