So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
