I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
