i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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