I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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