the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
