dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So squirting runs in the family.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
