so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
