i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
