3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
