mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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