I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
