Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
