Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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