remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
