dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
