I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
