that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
