He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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