Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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