another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
