I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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