i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
