We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
