I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
