Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
