bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize