I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
