so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
