I'm drive I can fine osifer
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
