She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
