he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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