I hope mine doesn't look like that
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
