remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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