Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
