No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She told me I should be a condom model.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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