I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
