My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
