I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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