Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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