the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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