In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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