I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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