My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
