is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
