Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
