exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
