had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
