I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
