....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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