Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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