grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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