I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize