If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
