How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
