my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
