Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
