I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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