And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
