I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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