After last night, I could never be a politician.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
