he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
