i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
