I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
