you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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