At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
