how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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