you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
