i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
