he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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