Please, let me fuck your mom
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My ass is underappreciated
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
