I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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