Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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